Why talk therapy might change everything
I’ve been very open about this truth:
Talk therapy did not help my anxiety.
And I stand by that.
But I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t also tell you this:
Talk therapy changed my life.
Both things can be true.
My Not-So-Great Start With Therapy
I started therapy after my first panic attack, and honestly? I wasn’t impressed.
One counselor was determined to find someone to blame for everything in my life — usually my mom.
Another promised we were about to go on a “fabulous journey” (hard pass).
Another insisted gargling Himalayan salt water and balancing my chakras would cure me.
One focused exclusively on my marriage.
Another berated me for my beliefs and values.
Another prayed with me — but never actually addressed anxiety.
If you’ve ever felt discouraged trying to find the right therapist, trust me: I get it.
I almost gave up.
Then I Found the Counselor I Actually Needed
When I finally found the right therapist — Lisa — something important became clear.
She didn’t help my anxiety symptoms.
That wasn’t her role.
What she did help me do was something I didn’t even realize I needed:
She helped me talk.
Talk therapy, at its best, isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about untangling the knots you’ve been dragging behind you — often without realizing how heavy they are.
I didn’t know how much I was carrying until I started unpacking it.
What I Had Never Fully Processed
Before therapy, I had experienced — but never truly processed — things like:
witnessing one of the country’s earliest school shootings
severe bullying in middle school
carrying the pressure of being the “good kid”
feeling emotionally responsible for my mother
being teased after my anxiety diagnosis
fearing I’d inherit severe mental illness
questioning whether I was fit to be a mom
surviving a house fire
navigating deeply complicated family dynamics
And that list doesn’t even scratch the surface.
Lisa helped me sort through those experiences — not to relive them endlessly, but to understand how they shaped me.
Sometimes we found weeds.
Sometimes we found flowers.
Both mattered.
The Quiet Gifts of Talk Therapy
Through talk therapy, I learned things I didn’t even know I needed to learn:
I stopped feeling like a burden because of my anxiety
I processed trauma instead of just surviving it
I untangled complicated relationships
I learned to trust my own voice
I learned I was capable — including as a mother
It was Lisa who encouraged me to examine my fear of motherhood honestly.
And it was Lisa who believed in me enough to say, “You can do this.”
In 2013, my daughter was born via surrogate.
She is the best decision I’ve ever made.
And I wouldn’t have her if I hadn’t gone to therapy.
What Therapy Is — and What It Isn’t
Here’s the part I want to be very clear about:
Talk therapy may not eliminate anxiety symptoms.
It didn’t for me.
But that doesn’t make it useless.
A good therapist can help you:
process trauma
understand patterns
build self-trust
clarify values
prepare for the future
stop carrying shame that isn’t yours
That matters.
A lot.
Finding the Right Therapist Takes Time
Finding the right counselor is a lot like dating.
Some won’t be a fit.
Some will irritate you.
Some won’t inspire trust.
Some won’t have the right approach for what you need.
That doesn’t mean therapy doesn’t work.
It means you haven’t found your person yet.
I know how tempting it is to quit.
But sometimes the thing that changes everything is simply not giving up.
One Last Thing I Want You to Know
I can’t promise that therapy will cure your anxiety.
What I can tell you is this:
Never underestimate the power of a trained, impartial human being who can help you make sense of your past — and walk with you toward your future.
You don’t have to do everything alone.
You got this.
You can do this.
And I’m really glad you’re here.
