I Have a Drinking Problem ☕

Before we go any further...

No.

Not that kind of drinking problem.

Although if my husband walks into the living room and counts the number of beverages surrounding me, I can understand why he might have questions.

My problem isn't alcohol.

It's...

...drinks.

All of them.

Every single one.

Apparently my brain has decided that hydration isn't a goal.

It's a lifestyle.

At any given moment, I am surrounded by beverages.

Not one.

Not two.

A small beverage convention.

Let's take a look at today's lineup:

Fresh hot coffee.

Yesterday's hot coffee.

Which is now...

Today's iced coffee.

A bottle of water.

An emotional support water.

(Yes, those are different.)

A peach tea.

A healthy soda.

A cola-flavored sparkling water.

I like options.

Apparently.

Here's the thing.

Every drink serves a purpose.

The coffee helps me wake up.

The water helps me feel responsible.

The sparkling water makes me feel like I'm making healthier choices.

The peach tea reminds me of summer.

The healthy soda lets me pretend I'm basically a wellness influencer.

Am I drinking all of them?

Absolutely not.

But I could.

And somehow that's comforting.

The funniest part is...

I don't finish any of them.

Instead, they slowly migrate around the house.

There's a cup on my desk.

One on the kitchen counter.

Another beside my bed.

One in the car.

One that somehow ended up in the laundry room.

At some point, I stop knowing which drinks belong to today...

...and which have become archaeological discoveries.

My husband has developed a fascinating little hobby.

He walks through the house collecting cups.

Not because he's cleaning.

Because he's conducting an inventory.

"Did you know you have six drinks going?"

No.

No, I did not.

The car isn't much better.

Every cup holder is occupied.

Water bottle.

Sparkling water.

Coffee.

Receipt.

Wait...

Not a drink.

Although at this point I wouldn't be surprised if there was somehow a smoothie under the passenger seat from 2024.

I've started wondering if beverages are actually my version of emotional support animals.

Some people carry a security blanket.

I carry hydration.

Leaving the house with only one drink feels...

reckless.

What if I get thirsty?

What if I want caffeine?

What if I suddenly crave peach tea?

What if I become the first documented case of someone desperately needing sparkling water at a stoplight?

You don't know.

It could happen.

Then there's the tragic moment when I finally decide to take a sip...

...and it's the wrong cup.

Nothing prepares you for expecting hot coffee and discovering it's yesterday's room-temperature disappointment.

That's a betrayal you don't recover from quickly.

I've learned there's actually a reason many of us with ADHD collect beverages.

Novelty.

Choices.

Tiny dopamine hits.

Every drink represents a slightly different experience.

Hot.

Cold.

Sweet.

Bubbly.

Comforting.

Refreshing.

Our brains love variety.

So instead of committing to one drink...

We build a tasting menu.

I've stopped fighting it quite so much.

Do I really need four beverages within arm's reach?

Probably not.

Do I still have them?

Absolutely.

I've just added one tiny rule.

Before opening a new drink...

I have to look around and see if Past Tracy has already opened one.

Past Tracy is incredibly optimistic.

She genuinely believes she's going to finish every drink she starts.

She is...

consistently incorrect.

So yes...

I have a drinking problem.

Just not the one people usually mean.

If you come over to my house and can't find a beverage...

Give me five minutes.

I'll accidentally make another one.

Because apparently my brain is convinced that the secret to surviving adulthood is staying simultaneously caffeinated, hydrated, carbonated, and emotionally supported.

And honestly?

Who's to say it isn't?